Find the Happy

   We all have different opinions, experiences, and perspectives on what happiness is. But I think we all have this preconceived notion that in order for something to make us happy, it has to be this huge, amazing event or else it isn't a big deal at all.
   This is bad.
   If we only believe that these remarkable experiences are the only ones to lift our mood, change our lives, and make us feel better about ourselves, then we're in for some serious trouble. Okay, sure, you think losing 15 pounds would make you the happiest person in the world--that once you're skinnier, you'll finally be happy with yourself--- but that's not going to happen in a day. So enjoy that cookie or skip out on the daily workout if in that moment, it'll make you happy. Having a rockin' bod and a six pack will definitely be amazing, but waiting for that to happen will only bring frustration, impatience, and will ultimately make you feel worse about yourself if you don't do something to make yourself happy in the meantime. That's why we all need to start appreciating the little things that happen in between those wonderful, monumentally happy moments. (Because let's face it: the only six pack I'll ever have is in the refrigerator).
   I realize I do this too: I think if something huge doesn't happen, like if I don't win that writing contest I applied for or if I can't adopt that adorable mutt puppy at the SPCA (mom....) or if a guy I'm into can't handle all my awesomeness, then my overall happiness falls tremendously because I couldn't find anything else to be happy about.
   But driving home on this beautiful, cloudless spring day, I realize I have so much more to be happy about besides those huge things in my life. I mean, I didn't trip over anything today, which is a huge accomplishment for me. I also didn't hit one red light on Reservoir Street, which never happens. Realizing that these two small things had happened to me today boosted my mood--maybe not to the extent of running around my apartment screaming about my excitement--but they did make me smile.
   If we all just stop expecting so much in order to be happy, then we'll be better off. For those girls waiting for a guy to serenade them from their window, you're going to be seriously let down. Those of you who try on a million outfits in the morning trying to find the perfect one thinking that will make your day better, just stop worrying about it. Just be happy you didn't find a pair of clean undies tucked in your sweatshirt midday (yes, this has happened to me before).
   There are millions of things in every single day that should make you happy. Whether it be someone held the door open for you or you got to enjoy time outside or your mom called you with a funny story. For now, try to embrace those things because they lead to true happiness. You will no longer depend on the huge moments in life to be your only source of happiness.
   So go out there and enjoy the happy.
    PS--- if you're interested in getting me a puppy, you know where to find me.

Love,
a Girl Still Trying to Figure It Out

Me

   I'd love to tell you who I am. But the thing is, I don't really know who I am.
   I know right now I have my legs crossed, computer on my lap, with the same sweats I wore yesterday (don't tell anyone). I have a bunch of ideas buzzing around in my head. But I also have a lot of questions, worries, and regrets up there, too.
   I have an idea of what I want in my life, but then again, is that really what I want? I know that I think I know what I want. But I'm not too sure of that, either. Confused yet? Yeah, well, welcome to my life.
   I feel like I'm a point of my life where I see a long, crazy road ahead of me and not much of a trail behind me. Where in the world is that trail? Why haven't I made a mark on the places I've been, the things I've accomplished?
   I know that I need to walk heavier on the places I've been in order for people to remember me, to want to know me. Metaphorically speaking, of course. I mean, I already kind of walk heavy on my feet and my roommates complain that I sound like a heard of elephants thumping up the stairs.
   But if I give my whole heart into everything I do, people will remember me as, "the girl who can make her own mark on the world and not depend on others to do it for her." And maybe that could help me figure out who I am, too.
   I also know that I'm scared. Like, really really scared. Scared of growing up, failing, unhappiness, love, life. I'm scared of moving through life too fast and not getting what I want out of it. I'm scared of failing: failing at a career, at making my family proud, and even at being a sufficient friend/sister/companion. But the biggest thing I'm scared of is being unhappy.
Right now, at this very moment, while listening to bad country songs and staring at the dirty bowl from my Lucky Charms on my desk that I need to clean (I lead a very exciting life, you know), I can't wholeheartedly say I'm happy. And it's not that I'm single or that my best friend just left for the weekend. It's because I'm not happy with myself at this point.
   This story is about to come full circle.
   I'm unhappy with myself because I don't know who I am. I'm 21 and still have no clue what I'm going to do after I walk across the graduation stage in a year. I have one year--almost a year exactly--to figure out what I want to do in order to make my mark in the "dirt of life". Honestly, that's not a lot of time to get my shit together.
   Hopefully in those 365 days, I can learn something. Even if it's just one little thing, like something that inspires a teacher or what makes a stranger happy. But if I'm lucky, maybe I can learn something more. Something like what it really feels like to write every single day or how to (finally) love myself in order to let another person in.
   Until then though, I'm still figuring it out. Figuring me out, figuring everyone else out, and figuring life out. Talk to me in a year and hopefully I can finally say who I am.

Love,
a Girl Still Trying to Figure it Out